How can I improve my writing?
here are the first few chapters of the story I’m writing. Please leave a comment, even if you absolutely HATED it; I need opinions. Keep in mind that I’m only 12 years old (I’m turning 13 in a month…). Also, I know that my grammar and spelling is messed up. Please, I’m desperate for opinions!
Prologue
“Go, now!”
“But what about you!? They could kill you!”
“It doesn’t matter, Arabella. Just go!”
“Where?” I asked, desperate to find some answers.
Anywhere! Just…”, Kori paused, shoving hard against the door where, on the other side, growling dogs, and frustrated police officers were trying to break in. “Away from here!” She instructed me from the door while I ran franticly across the house following her orders. “Get a backpack and fill it with food, a water bottle, and an extra set of clothes.”
I ran upstairs to get a backpack, and then sprinted back down to the kitchen to fill it with food, and a water bottle. “Make sure you get food that won’t go bad quickly,” Kori advised me. “Bread, granola bars… get some cereal in a bag too.” After gathering my food supply that will have to last me who knows how long, I hurried back upstairs to get an pair of sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and I even managed to cram a handful of hand-warmers into the large pocket. Even through the haze of my stressed brain, my ears detected the unpleasant fact that the polices’ threats, and the dogs’ snarls were getting louder and louder as they slowly got closer and closer to breaking in and killing me in a agonizing way… I tried to focus on Kori’s directions more.
“Run through the woods, away from civilization. Don’t let the dogs get your sent. Then, once you are far enough away from here…”
“I’m not just going to leave you here to die!” I interrupted her. To my embarrassment, my voice cracked on the last word. “You mean too much to me…,” there was an awkward pause as she stared in shock at me. “You’re the last thing I have.” I could see the moisture in her eyes, and feel it in mine.
“You know that I would do anything for you, to make you safe again. We can always hope for the best: maybe they won’t kill me. Maybe they might actually believe me when I tell them that I live here alone. Then I could come and find you…,” Kori trailed off into endless possibilities. I could truly see in her eyes that she was getting too carried away in her fantasies.
“So… where was I going to go?” I asked Kori to get here focused again.
“You have to go through the forest. Stay out of the city, and be as safe as you can manage.” She pulled me close with one arm still shoving the door closed, and kissed my cheek. “I love you,” she whispered into my ear. “Now, go!” Then she released me, and I retreated into the woods. I turned back around just in time to watch the police pry open the front door. I took one last look at Kori, and then turned to sprint through the forest. As I ran, I held that one last phrase that she told me before I left her there to die: “I love you.” It will be a while until I hear those words again.
Chapter 1
As I ran, I thought of my past life. The joys and sorrows that came to my soul. I realized that life isn’t meant to be spent running away from your fears, but to chase after them. Only then did I understand that I was not only running away from fear, but trying to run to happiness. I wanted to feel loved and safe again, but, because of what he did, that just isn’t possible. I’m going to have to live my life in misery and on the run. I can’t afford the risk of hurting anyone else by settling down again.
Then I realized the truth. I stopped running, turned around, and looked death in the face. This is the only way, I reminded myself. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and took one step forward. I waited for it to come. It will all be over soon. At that thought, I smiled.
* * *
I opened my light-cerulean colored eyes only to be disappointed. Every morning, or afternoon, or whenever I wake up, my hope is that I was dreaming and I was still in my little house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the forest, with my parents. Ever sense my mom’s mysterious death, and my dad’s unfortunate car crash, my life has bell an out of control living nightmare.
I am living my life on the run from the police, but not because I did anything; I’m living like this just because of the fact that I’m not human. At least, not fully-human. My name is Arabella Berchelli, and I am on the police’s list of “Dangerous Unknowns”. Sounds great, huh? The police all over the country are trying to find me to kill me, and they will pay any price to get to me… including killing innocent people. But at the same time, they don’t want any of the public to know about me. No one wants to know that there is a human-looking monster on the loose.
Okay, so maybe I’m not a monster… or maybe I am. Anyways, no matter what I’d do, I couldn’t find out. Even the police don’t know what I am. All they
know is that my parents could kill a human in the blink of an eye because they were amazingly strong, fast, and graceful. The only people (or animals or whatever) who ever knew were my parents, who were also on the “Dangerous Unknown” list, and their best friend, Kori (who was human before the police found us and killed her when she was defending me). All of these people died because I exist, and nothing could make me feel guiltier than I do now.
It all started when my mom died. Nobody knows how, when, or where she died but, somehow, my dad knew for certain that she was gone forever. I was only five, and I don’t remember much about her, so I don’t feel very sad thinking about her. In the back of my mind, I think it’s because I haven’t been taken care of and loved for so long, so I don’t miss that. It’s just a part of life for me now.
That night, my dad told me that she was gone, and I remember being very confused. It all happened so fast… the next thing I knew, I was in the
My
name is Lesli Paterson, and welcome to my blog. I created this blog to
help other people like me who are suffering with tonsil stones.